Clarice James

Smart, Fun, Relatable Fiction

Chances Are I Didn’t Do It


My Christmas Letter: I’m amazed at all the things I DIDN’T do last year.

snowvids1I DIDN’T shovel an ounce of the 105 inches of snow we got in the Northeast. It’s hard to shovel snow when you’re in Cancun. Not that I was in Cancun, mind you. But I do live in a condo community with stand-alone homes and low HOA fees–snow removal included. Close enough for me, by golly.

I DIDN’T finish the portrait of my husband I never started. “Why not?” you ask. The answer is simple. We don’t have a fireplace, so where would I hang it? And then there’s this: I can’t draw, not even a short straw.

I DIDN’T dance the cha-cha-cha. Unless you count the mornings I had too much coffee.


I DIDN’T quite finish my Fall cleaning.

Not by bicycle.

This is not my bicycle.

I DIDN’T let the strong crosswinds affect me on a 30-mile cycle trip on the Kancamagus Highway. I DIDN’T have one sore muscle. That’s a lie. I did have a few sore muscles, but that was from sleeping on our old mattress. Never been on the Kancamagus myself. Don’t even own a bicycle, and slow speed is too fast for me.

I DIDN’T spit out the car window–not one time. Mainly, because both times the window was closed. [Note to my friend Kellie Parham. You know I’d never do this, so relax.]


I DIDN’T go camping. At all. What a shame. (Again, lying here. No shame at all.)

I DIDN’T have the problem of critters spoiling my organic garden. I chose to pay the whole price at Whole Foods and save myself a whole lot of grief.

Prize HogI DIDN’T win a blue ribbon at the fair for my prize hog, Ham. I DIDN’T even go to the fair. Ham and I lounged by the pool that day.


I DIDN’T do a scrapbooking page for each of the things I DIDN’T do.

I DIDN’T smack a single person upside the head. (Of course, the year’s not over yet.)

I DIDN’T win the Publisher’s Clearing House Sweepstakes. I felt kinda bad about that for a while. The feeling passed when I realized people might expect me to do exciting stuff with all my money. Like sit and sweat in Cancun. Ride or, worse, hike the Kancamagus. Go camping. Or show off my hog, Ham, at the county fair.

More things I’m thankful I DIDN’T do: 

I DIDN’T give up on getting my first book published–and it happened.

I DIDN’T get sick.

I DIDN’T stop being thankful for my family.

I DIDN’T stop loving and appreciating my husband.

I DIDN’T lose a loved one.

I DIDN’T stop praying.

I DIDN’T stop believing that Jesus Christ is Lord and Savior of the world.

And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord. This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.” ~ Luke 2:8-12 (NIV)

Merry Christmas! Happy New Year!

CJ 02056

15 thoughts on “Chances Are I Didn’t Do It

  1. I love it ! My feelings exactly I always wanted to write a Christmas letter and lie through the whole thing. Only problem is I know the people I would send it to would believe it all !


  2. Love the pic of you sipping something and wearing snowmen on your head. And congrats again on getting your book published.


    • Diana, truth is I was sipping nothing. 🙂 I just thought it would match my profile pic. I’m most excited about getting my book published because it helps a lot with my Christmas gift list. All my female family members are getting one! Oops, I hope they’re not ready this.


  3. And Merry Christmas to you, Clarice. LOVE your list. You crack me up. I didn’t stop believing that thing about Jesus, either. Isn’t He a wonder?


  4. Love it.


  5. And you DIDN’t add my website to your “Links I Like” list. But I love ya anyway (even though we’ve yet to meet). You’re hilarious. And I love your writing. Linda


  6. Thanks for the smiles. Personally I can relate. What matters most is you reminded me that He came ,that we can still have joy in the mist of it all in Him. Thanks for the message that we an sing ‘Joy to the world’ I understand and appreciate why.
    Love ya


  7. Clarice, you are really taking that “butt in chair” seriously are you not? A few feet of snow should cure that! Funny stuff there missy…..Noreen


    • “A few feet of snow should cure that . . .” Ha! Coming from someone who gets to go south! I read your newsletter to David over lunch. We both had a good laugh! I was going to email, “It was cute,” but I value my life–such as it is. LOL!


  8. I didn’t camp or take any 30-mile bike rides either. Life is too short.


  9. AND I didn’t do a Christmas letter.


    • Yeah, that’s about as personal as mine is ever going to get. 🙂 I’ve read quite a few from others this year. I BELIEVE in Christmas letters. People SHOULD write them. Then MOST OF THEM should put them in binder and label it “PRIVATE. DO NOT SEND.” Call me Scrooge.


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