Clarice James

Smart, Fun, Relatable Fiction

Is It My Imagination or Is Dandruff Waning?

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Blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord, who does not look to the proud, to those who turn aside to false gods. Many, Lord my God, are the wonders you have done, the things you planned for us. None can compare with you; were I to speak and tell of your deeds, they would be too many to declare. ~ Psalm 40:405 (NIV)

thinking thoughtSome people study the planets and their solar systems. Others look to solve the mysteries of climate change and geological shifts. Many more grapple with hardened political landscapes and the suffering human condition.

Me, I ponder the mundane.

I’m not blind to the reason. It’s a form of denial and/or self-preservation. The realities of this world are too much for my tender mind to grasp. When my heart is breaking from all the bad news–and there seems to be no end to it–these less than deep thoughts and random questions creep in.

If you have any answers, send them my way.

  1. Is it my imagination or is dandruff waning? If it’s so, then why no online chatter? Will the CDC soon keep a sample in their vaults for research?
  2. Why did break-dancing go out of style just when I had it mastered?
  3. Who decided brass was out and silver and bronze were in? And now that I’ve switched, what evil minion decided brass was back?
  4. How come we want our cats to eat all natural food but don’t buy them bags of live mice?
  5. Where have all the nuns gone? No, seriously?Nuns
  6. When did local libraries become venues for video game matches, Pokémon clubs, and life-coaching sessions?
  7. When someone says, “I’m telling you this in love,” consider it more of a warning.
  8. Why are all female meteorologists required to have long hair? (Don’t believe me? Check for yourself.)
  9. Have I slowed down or has everyone else sped up? And do I really want to catch them?
  10. It makes me smile to imagine a community of fat, happy squirrels, squealing hysterically over the acorn harvest this fall.
  11. When did my beauty routine begin to include “check for chin hairs”?
  12. When someone feels the need to say, “You know, she really is a very smart person,” chances are no observable evidence will follow.
  13. If I apply for the “entry-level” position I saw online, what will I answer if they ask, “Where do you see yourself in five years?” The way I see it, I can go one of two ways: “It depends” or “In Depends.”
  14. While I waited with bated breath for formal white gloves to make a comeback, bobby pins resurfaced. Who thought that was a fashion-forward statement?
  15. Nine out of ten people I ask say they never watch reality shows. Yet more keep cropping up. I suspect someone—besides the producers and cast—is lying.BobbyPin2

Speaking of reality shows, what about a show called “Real Housewives of New Hampshire”? Don’t the producers think we have what it takes? We might not be what you call fancy, but we’ve got us some stuff. (I, for one, own at least seven sweatshirts and three pairs of wear-in-public flannel pajama bottoms.)

Oh, and we have a dollar store of some kind within a stone’s throw of every AutoZone. No Nordstrom, but there are WalMarts and Goodwills aplenty.

And our homes? Many of us females have double or triple-car garages filled with man-sized toys and tools. More than a few of us own generators and snow blowers the size of Rhode Island. And if we have an overflow, it can be stored neatly in a dome-shaped polyethylene garage.

And talk about holiday decorations! Los Angeles, Atlanta, Las Vegas, and New York have nothing on us! We can display four holidays at once–maybe five if you count Groundhog Day–and leave them up all year round! No décor zoning laws in our Live Free or Die state. No siree, Shirley!

With all we have, it’s hard to stay humble. I know many around town mistake my 2001 mini-van for a 2000 model, but do I ever correct them to show off? Never! Cause that’s how Real Housewives from New Hampshire roll.

“Has not my hand made all these things, and so they came into being?” declares the Lord. “These are the ones I look on with favor: those who are humble and contrite in spirit, and who tremble at my word.” ~ Isaiah 66:2 (NIV)

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6 thoughts on “Is It My Imagination or Is Dandruff Waning?

  1. Very cute post, Clarice.

    Like

  2. I enjoy you. Thanks.

    Like

  3. I think we must have gone to different schools together, because I have these escapism thoughts all the time, too. Just sayin’ ( I know – nobody says that anymore). Great post – as always.

    Like

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