Clarice James

Writer ~ Editor ~ Encourager


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Party of One: I See Lonely People

Party of OneI was widowed in 1998, around the same time the movie The Sixth Sense came out. Every time I saw the trailer and heard the line “I see dead people walking around; they’re everywhere,” I would think, “I see lonely people walking around; they’re everywhere.”

I still do—over fourteen years later.

During the eight years I was widowed, God gave me a heart for single adults—especially those who have slipped through the cracks between active couples and busy families. You know who I mean. They’re the ones who volunteer to help at social events so they have a purpose in attending; the ones who sit alone in church; or the ones who dine out in restaurants at tables, always meant for more than one, trying to look less awkward than they feel.

When I dined alone in a restaurant, I would often wonder how other single diners would react if I invited them to join me. I even drew up a plan, picked out the restaurant, and came up with the name “Party of One.”

It never happened; I chickened out.

In 2006, I was blessed to remarry. When I told my husband David about my passion for lonely singles and my former plan to create A Party of One fellowship, he suggested I turn my idea into a novel. I did, and its title—you guessed it—is Party of One. (My agent is shopping it around to publishers now.)

But something was missing: An actual Party of One fellowship.

So, in October of 2011, Party of One, A Fellowship for Those Tired of Dining Alone, was founded.  Its purpose is simple: to fellowship with single adults at a communal table. (To be clear, when I use the word “single,” I don’t mean single as in dating, but single as in dining.) Not a Singles Club

Party of One people include men and women of all ages, some single by choice, single by circumstances or “spiritually” single. It also includes others, like my husband and myself who are called to encourage them.

We extend an open invitation to all who are “tired of dining alone.” We do not limit attendees to Christians, although many of us are. None of us were Christians before God invited us to sit at His table, so God decides who He wants to show up. :-)

We have people from nine neighboring towns in southern, NH. They include white and blue-collar workers, those who are employed full-time, many retired, democrats, republicans, and independents, maybe even a few intellectuals, holy rollers, and rednecks.

Matthew 5:46-47: “If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that?”

To allow as many as possible to attend, we rotate between Friday night, Saturday day, and Sunday afternoon—three of the loneliness times for single adults. On average, we meet twice a month. We change-up venues often between reasonably priced restaurants, fundraising events, and potluck meals.

If I’ve learned anything in the past 18 months, it is that there is a need for this fellowship.

How about you? Is God speaking to you? Is this idea jumping off the page at you? It’s a simple concept. You just get together over a meal and talk and laugh. There is no cost to join or to start a Party of One chapter. Check out our blog to see what goes on:  Party of One.

People have told me that this is “a brilliant idea.” I’m not that smart, so I strongly suspect God’s intervention.

Call me. Let’s talk. 603-578-1860.


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Character Mining: The Man in the Cheap Green Suit

Man in the Green SuitWriters need to make up real lives for their fictional characters. They don’t appear fully developed in a scene. This takes detailed, accurate research.

I do this by observing people wherever I go.

When I was called for grand jury duty a few years back, I had a lot of time to people-watch. The day dragged, until I got into the courtroom and witnessed the initial trial proceedings. That’s when things picked up.

While the judge and state prosecutor bandied some legal mumbo-jumbo back and forth, the defense attorney whispered to his client. I decided to get a fix on the defendant whose jury I might be called upon to serve. At the same time, I could gather some shady character nuggets for my next book.

I looked this thirty-something guy over.  He needed a shave; his hair could have used a style; and his cheap green suit was wrinkled.  The charge against him was embezzlement. (The thought crossed my mind that, if I’d been him, I would have taken some of that money I embezzled to buy a better suit for my hearing.)

I watched his every move. He yawned like he was as bored as everyone else in the court room. Not a good move for a defendant. He bit his nails and snorted. I tried to keep an open mind before I heard the evidence, but in my gut I knew this guy was guilty

When the judge and the prosecutor stopped their hashing about, the judge spoke: “Will counsel for the defendant rise.”

Up stood the man in the green suit.

Huh?

No problem, easy fix.  Now my shady character is a dishonest public defender.

PS:  True story. You may be relieved to know I was not chosen to serve on this jury.

“Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.” (Mt 7:1-2)


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Ten Favorite Home Decor Stores and Why I Like Them

If you’ve read any of my profile, you know that I love home decorating projects–whether doing one of my own or working on someone else’s.  Here are a few of the places, in alphabetical order,  I can count on to find what I need!

BRICK & MORTAR STORES:

CTS Matelasse BeddingChristmas Tree Shops:  The first Christmas Tree Shop was located on Cape Cod where I lived up until my recent move to New Hampshire. It was one of my first stops on my home decorating buying sprees. But you have to go often, because their merchandize is always changing. And it can change from store to store and from town to town. When they were bought out by Bed, Bath & Beyond in 2003, I noticed an increase in the quality of the CTS’s home décor and bed and bath linens.  I recently found a king-sized, cream-colored mattelasse bedspread I’d been searching for in stores and online. The cost: $39.99.

HGTV Home Furniture:   If you’re a fan of HGTV home design shows, then you’ll enjoy seeing their new brand of furniture and household furnishings–the same ones their designers use. The site tells you where you can find their brands locally so you can check things out in person.

Hobby Lobby:   Yes, if you’re a crafter or hobbyist, this is the place for you. But I was excited to see so many home décor items, including pottery, pictures frames, mirrors, small pieces of furniture, outdoor goods, and quirky items in this store—items that required no work and no assembly. Good for me!

HomeGoodsHomeGoods:   This is another place I love to poke around in even when I’m not actually working on a project. I usually check TJMaxx, too, which is their sister store. My most recent finds were the perfect ottoman for the end of our bed, a small chest of drawers for my office, and some lined curtain panels the right shade of grape for my bedroom–only $18.00 per pair!

Kohl’s:   This is my go-to store for kitchen and bath area rugs, bath linens, and kitchen ware. They have some great sales, too. The other day I was getting ready to order a picture frame online from Kohl’s for $49.99, but I was psyched when I saw the same frame in the store for $22.90!

Pier 1:  Okay, I admit it, I like their commercials, especially when that colorful sock monkey sings! Even though they have a good selection of dinnerware, art, glassware, and candle holders, I often imagine the perfect customer for this store is a single woman. It’s a good research place for writers, too.

CATALOGUE OR ONLINE SHOPPING:

kohls rugGrandinroad: This is my new favorite catalogue! I love the fresh colors and fun patterns in their area rugs, pillows, ottomans, and painted furniture Even their leather side chairs come in ten colors! This catalogue makes me want to start decorating my home all over again. But don’t tell my husband.

Home Decorators:  This company is similar to Grandinroad. While Grandinroad might be a little more eclectic, their style is more classic. Cool side tables, buffets, and trunks.

LampsPlus: After looking in box stores, local furniture and lighting stores, and major department stores, I found the perfect hanging light for over my dining room table at LampsPlus. It’s a Kathy Ireland design. When I first got this catalogue, I said, “So this is where those TV designers get their light fixtures.”

Overstock.com:  This is a cool website and so easy to navigate. They’ve got a great search engine; I’ve used it tons to find just the right style, size, material, and shade of area rug.  Shipping is either free or $2.99– no matter what you buy. Returns are easy, too.Lamps Plus

The next time you’re out and about, stop in one of these places and get inspired! Don’t forget to bring your paint swatches, measuring tape, fabric samples, and list of your room and window measurements.

Or find your find online!

Tip: Find out the store’s return policy, keep your receipts, and plan on returns. You never know how it will work until you get it home. For example, I bought an ottoman I liked at HomeGoods, but found one I liked even better in another HomeGoods.


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Words That Strike Fear in My Husband’s Heart

Persuasive-Essay-IdeasWhen I utter this specific string of five words, I see the fear in my husband’s eyes, I hear it in his voice, and, I swear, I smell it oozing from his pores. The words in themselves are innocuous; it’s what they represent that scares him.

Some husbands panic at “We have car insurance, right?” Others tremble at “Mother’s coming for a visit!” And a few quake at “Honey, I think I’m pregnant.”

Not my husband. First, he doesn’t let me drive that often. Second, my mom won’t leave home for more than three hours at a time. And, third, we’ve decided to wait to have kids.

[That’s a joke for those who are looking at my profile photo and wondering if I’m delusional.]

“What could those words possibly be?” you ask. The five little words that strike fear in my husband’s heart are . . .

“Hey, I have an idea!”

He tries to hide the terror, but his subtle body language tells me otherwise: the slumping shoulders, the eye-twitching, the convulsing, the hand slapping his forehead, or his head banging against the wall. He thinks I don’t notice, but I’m observant, if nothing else.

I don’t know what his problem is. My “hey-I-have-an-idea” ideas have been good ones, if I do say so myself.

  • Rent out our house to friends while it was on the market. [Okay, so placing huge couches in front of the fireplace and front door wasn’t the best staging strategy.]
  • Begin an online publishing syndicate. [I admit working twelve hours a day and watching $13,000 go down the cyber drain was not the most fun we've had.]
  • Create an art piece to draw attention to our living room’s cathedral ceiling. [Can you believe he took issue with lifting and hanging my 4-foot by 8-foot masterpiece built of wood, tile, and stone?]
  • Start Party of One, A Fellowship for Those Tired of Dining Alone. [Some found it unusual that I asked my husband of four years if I could start a group for singles. Who knew?]
  • Initiate a marketing campaign for my fellow literary clients—all 154 of them. [Sheesh. All I asked him to do was take pictures of the books individually on our bookshelf; size the photos; create individual Facebook cover photo banners; Photoshop e-books into the bookshelf; and, oh, create the nonexistent book spines for these e-books.]

Hmm . . . Hey, I have an idea!

Since my husband is so good at executing my ideas, I think I’ll make him a nice meal today before he executes me or, worse, gets any of his own ideas about that singles group.

hanging

Actual size of wall hanging: 4′ x 8′


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In My Humble Opinion

Humble PieIf you ask me for my humble opinion, I will give you that and more: I will help.

My tagline reads: “Writer ~ Editor ~ Encourager.” I find joy in giving others encouragement, in any way I can, even if I have to force feed it to them.

A few years back, my son told me that his wife would love my help decorating their new house. In the past, I’d helped my daughter and my friends with decorating projects, so this was a task I could handle. Still, as a mother-in-law, I checked with him twice.

As soon as I got his okay, I started making the rounds of my favorite stores, filling my trunk with samples: area rugs, lamps, artwork, pillows, vases, curtains, and blanket throws. I was sure I’d hit the mark with many of my purchases.

Good thing I kept the receipts; I was wrong. Turns out my daughter-in-law did a perfectly fine job on her own.

[I can hear you, you know. Yes, I should have checked with her first.]

In the writer’s critique group I founded, members often ask about the publishing process. I have given talks on it, handed out lists of books on the subject, conducted workshops, and emailed them links to multiple industry-related blogs. “Overwhelm” is the word that comes to my mind—and theirs.

A few months ago, a friend asked me to review their church’s new website. They’d been working on it for a while and needed another set of eyes. I went through every page, read every word, checked every jot and tittle, looked at every graphic, and commented on it all in a five-page report. No half-hearted efforts on my part! I doubt they will ask me again.

Recently, a young man wanted my feedback on his fundraising letter. I attacked the task with vigor, practically re-wrote the whole dang thing. When I was done, it sounded nothing like him, but a lot like me. He used very few of my suggestions. Gee whiz, why not?

My husband is fond of saying, “People really don’t want your opinion; they just want to hear their own opinion in someone else’s  voice.”  I don’t want to believe he is right, but I’m having second thoughts.

Or could it be that I need to dial it back a bit? Perhaps I should ask people to be more specific in their requests? Maybe I could ask myself why I think I know what’s right for them? Or maybe I could just say no?

Or . . . could it be that my humble opinion isn’t so humble? My conundrum: And how will I know when it is?

Tell me, please  . . . in your humble opinion.


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21 Ministries Rated Four Stars & Up by MinistryWatch.Com

MinistryWatch.comEver wonder if the ministries you give to are good stewards of the monies they receive?

Check out MinistryWatch.com which rates ministries based on the following seven areas: (1) Transparency, (2) Truth Claims, (3) Values, (4) Sectors/Functions, (5) Resourcefulness, (6) Red Flag Issues, and (7) Consultation.

Besides the ones I have listed here, there are many reputable ministries out there. Go to MinistryWatch.com to find out more.  As of February 15, 2013,  here is a list of their top 21.

  1. Advancing Native Missions, Inc./ANM, Charlottesville, VA
  2. AnGeL Ministries/Anne Graham Lotz, Raleigh, NC
  3. Ankerberg Theological Research Institute, Chattanooga, TN
  4. Bible Study Fellowship/BSF, San Antonio, TX
  5. Blessings International, Broken Arrow, OK
  6. Bright Hope International, Hoffman Estates, IL
  7. Cadence International, Englewood, CO
  8. Children’s Hunger Fund/CHF, Sylmar, CA
  9. Children’s Medical Ministries (CMM), Crofton, MD
  10. Christian Blind Mission/CBM, Greenville, SC
  11. Christian Freedom International (CFI), Sault Sainte Marie, MI
  12. Family Guidance, Inc., Sewickley, PA
  13. Gideons International, Nashville, TN
  14. JAARS, Inc., Waxhaw, NC
  15. Kingsway Charities, Bristol, VA
  16. Medical Teams International (MTI), Portland, OR
  17. Operation Blessing International/OBI/ Pat Robertson, Virginia Beach, VA
  18. The Rutherford Institute/John Whitehead, Charlottesville, VA
  19. Village Missions, Dallas, OR
  20. World Help, Forest, VA
  21. Young Life, Colorado Springs, CO

 


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Homework vs. Heartwork

heartworkI had procrastinated that week. Now I was fretting and fussing over the Bible study I needed to complete—mainly because I was three lessons behind and it was due that night.

So, when the phone rang, I didn’t answer it because I had homework to do. When an email popped up, I didn’t respond because I had homework to do. When my husband tried to converse with me over a lunch of leftovers, I ran off and left him with the dishes because I had homework to do.

The Miss Goody-Two-Shoes student I am would never consider showing up with blank pages; it wasn’t an option I could live with. My pride would not be denied!

Finally, I made it down to my prayer closet-slash-office. Once I was settled in my reading chair, I snatched my workbook and Bible and said a quick prayer, “Lord, please no more interruptions. I’ve got homework to do.”

Don’t think of it as homework, Clarice. Think of it as heartwork.

What? Who said that? Was that you, Lord?

Don’t think of it as homework, Clarice. Think of it as heartwork.

Yes, you said that, Lord. What exactly does that mean?

Don’t think of it as homework, Clarice. Think of it as heartwork.

Okay, Lord, I get it; I need to listen to hear you.

I took a few deep breaths, leaned my head back on my chair, and tried to be still. Harder than you think since I’m a doer not a be-stiller. It’s like my mind is always perched on the edge of a seat, half involved with the thing at hand and half involved in the thing just out of reach.

It took some time, but I refused to move until I felt God tell me to.

When that moment came, I opened my workbook slowly and looked at the lesson. It was not a fill-in-the-blanks sort of thing. It was more a multiple choice: 1) I could hurry to finish; 2) I could play hooky; or 3) I could slow down long enough to absorb the teaching.

The lesson was on gentleness, one quality of the fruit of the Spirit. It didn’t mean what I thought it meant: an amiable, kind, sweet, expression of feeling. The Greek word for gentleness is praotes. In the Greek, we find a vastly different meaning. Praotes denotes meekness, submission, humility, and teachability—a peaceful surrender to God’s will and his way.

When I surrendered and let Jesus do his heartwork, the homework came easy.

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness [submission, humility, meekness, teachability, your peaceful surrender to God] be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. ~ Php 4:4-6  (NIV)

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