Hey, don’t blame me. You’re the one who clicked “read more.” 

• I don’t get why people work years to buy the perfect house then go camping.
• I fall asleep after three hours in a car— whether I’m driving or not.
• I wish wacky Christians would stay clear of those I’m praying for.
• I collect names for characters for future books. Then I change them.
• Yeah, I’m a gum-swallower— sue me.
• My most favorite room in my house is my office.
• If I ever invite you on a road trip, say no. I once got lost in a beach parking lot.
• I repeat myself on a rare occasion.
• If I ever invite you on a road trip, say no. I once got lost in a beach parking lot.
• Once, as a kid in a confessional booth, I wet my pants. And I didn’t confess it.
• Yeah, I’m Protestant now.